On Tuesday, I normally post a Scrivener walk-through, a new tool, or something about world-building, but today I am going way off-script to talk about something that matters way more than any of my normal content. Blame Marvel Editor Tom Breevort.
In his recent post “#46: Friendless1” he talks about how hard it is to have genuine friends when you are an editor. The section ends with:
I know, boo-hoo, Tom’s job is sometimes hard. But it can be rather solitary, for all that one is dealing with people constantly.
That’s self-deprecating man-speak for “I’m lonely.” Or maybe, more precisely, “There are times that I feel lonely.” I should know, I’ve been there and, if we are being totally honest, statistics tell us that at least half of the people reading this are also feeling some disconnectedness right now, especially on a day like today. Ironically, February 14th can be one of the loneliest dates on the calendar.
My Valentine’s gift for you is an introduction to the work of friendship expert and Words with Friends smack-down artist Shasta Nelson. Her first book, Friendships Don't Just Happen!, was a timely revelation to me. At the time, I was 50ish and feeling all the mid-life feels. Child-linked acquaintances had mostly drifted away. “Everyone’s pal; nobody’s friend” had long been my internal description of myself.
Shasta’s work not only pointed out the role and importance of those “pals” but also provided a road map for developing the truly deep friendships I had been seeking for years. Reading her first book was the Captain Obvious wake-up-call smack to the head I needed. “Friendships don’t just happen.” Right. “Friendships change.” Yup. “Everyone loses friends over time.” Duh. “A healthy, meaningful friendship has these characteristics.” Of course. “There are different types of friendships.” That makes sense. “To develop new friendships, you need to...” Oh... I need to…?
She offers pragmatic advice for anyone wanting to develop strong friendships in an increasingly divided world. So let me get out of the way and point you toward two entry points to her work.
Start with this five-year-old TED Talk with the unflattering header image, which is even more relevant post-COVID:
and the article WHAT TYPES OF FRIENDS DO YOU NEED?
Shasta’s work originally was aimed at women but has since expanded. She has three books available on Amazon that I won’t post here lest it looks like I am just shilling.
The thing I want everyone to take away from this post is that lasting and meaningful friendships and connections are actually achievable, even for comic creators. If you (or someone you love) are feeling lonely today, that is just a starting point. That feeling is a call to action. Loneliness is not inevitable, but the ball is in your court.